I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Randomize
