i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
