last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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