Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
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