I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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