Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
