We won't sleep together?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
