Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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