My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
