You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
