I wish life had little blips of pornography
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
