It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
