I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
