i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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