I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
