sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
