i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
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