I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
