i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
