Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
