I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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