Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
