If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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