either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
can u get pink eye on your cock?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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