we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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