its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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