I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
