i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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