i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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