dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
