Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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