Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
