Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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