The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
