you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
