there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
