Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
