remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
