It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
