Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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