drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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