he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
