i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize