I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
