guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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