I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
