You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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