My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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