Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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