i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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