No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
