she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
