Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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