I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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