Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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