I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
