Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
