I showed him my bush... on skype.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
