There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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