i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
