the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
