I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
