You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
