I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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