Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
