I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
