we have officially lost it.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
