Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
