i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
