yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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