i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
handjob tips. give me some.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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