I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So vagazzling was a success
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
