its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
