are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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