yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Apparently you make a good broom.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
