I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
